Three Mondays ago, I was driving to work, minding my own business. I had Howard Stern on the radio and our Project EVO humming down the fast lane of the 91 freeway east bound. I remember worrying about getting my wife a nice present for Valentine's Day, which was coming up, when my cell phone rang. I looked at the clock. It read 8:49 a.m.
Experience has taught me two things. One: Strippers don't really like you. No matter how much money you give them, no matter how many lap dances you buy, no matter how interested they seem while grinding on you, you're not getting the chick's number. Two: When your cell phone rings before 9 a.m., it's bad news.
And it was.
The caller was Rob Hallstrom, one of our staff photographers. He was calling to inform me that a pack of lowlifes had broken into our office garage over the weekend, vandalizing and stripping several of our project cars.
"The cops are already here," Rob told me. "It's bad. Are you coming in?"
"I'll be there in 10 minutes," I said and hung up.
It was a long 10 minutes. From the moment the call with Rob ended to my pulling into the office parking lot, I got angrier and angrier. The worst part was, I really didn't know what cars had been left in the garage over the weekend. Was our STi part of the carnage, or was Coleman driving it? Was Project SRT-4, with its new carbon-fiber hood and Pete Santini paint job, all screwed up, or did Jacquot take it home for the weekend?
Obviously, the EVO was OK, but what about Project Civic? I was pretty sure that was sitting down there, as it has been for the past month waiting on some parts. I was also pretty sure Project Miata was in the garage, as was Project MR2, which had developed a bit of rod knock and was awaiting a new engine.
Then it hit me. Project Flamed Civic was down there. My Civic. Well, not really mine. Honda still owns it, but until it takes it back, it might as well be mine. I've been building and driving it on and off now for five years, and have grown quite attached to it. In fact, Honda had just sent me the new registration, giving me another year of enjoyment with the car.
Now I was really mad.
When I reached the office, my worst fears were realized. Project Flamed Civic, my Civic, was hit hard. Among other things, they took the hood, the intake, the radiator, the ECU, the seats and the gauges. They also smashed the driver's window and tore the crap out of the steering column. It was depressing.
Project EG Civic was also hit hard. Again, they took the hood, radiator, intake, ECU, seats, nitrous bottle and rear spoiler, smashing the passenger-side window and tearing apart the steering column for whatever reason.
They also cut the soft top on Project MR2, but then must have realized there was nothing to take. Which was pretty much the story on Project Miata as well. Besides a big, gaping hole in its soft top, the vehicle was essentially unharmed. Oddly enough, they left the wheels and tires on all four cars.
Our Project STi, however, was sitting on jackstands and scissor jacks, its beautiful factory BBS rims and Bridgestones long gone. It also received a smashed driver's window, and a bit of a thrashing, but nothing that couldn't be fixed in an afternoon. The jackasses even left the brakes.
So the last three weeks have been filled with police reports, insurance companies and basic paranoia. Despite the company installing security cameras and hiring heavily armed, 24-hour security guards, I keep thinking it's going to happen again.
Last weekend we left the Mugen S2000, which we tested in this issue (page 110), in the garage simply because we had more cars than people. And I worried about it all weekend. I expected a call Monday morning from Rob Hallstrom telling me the car's $5,000 carbon-fiber roof was history.
It didn't happen. The Honda was returned to Honda in its entirety, but the wounded Flamed Civic continues to sit in the garage, lifeless, waiting for me to address its saddened state. I'll get to it. In the meantime it serves as a constant reminder that there are bad people out there-scumbags who would rather steal things from hard-working people than work hard for those things themselves.
In the end, we'll fix the cars. And in the end, the scumbags will get what they deserve, because what goes around comes around. I truly believe that. In the meantime, I'll be looking for a flamed and louvered '99 Civic Si hood on eBay.