They Can't All be Winners...
The Brown Omni: Sept. '05
What do you get when you take a brown '85 Dodge Omni, add an engine block from a Chrysler LeBaron, an intercooler from a Toyota Supra, a DSM bypass valve, a Plymouth Horizon ECU and harness, an SRT-4 differential-equipped LeBaron transmission, GM J-body axles, suspension pieces from a Shelby Charger, Porsche 914 seats, a Maserati TC steering wheel, Dodge Caravan front brakes, Dodge Shadow rear brakes, a big-ass turbo, slicks, and an Earl Scheib paint job? A fast, shiny, brown '85 Dodge Omni.
Fragmentation: Oct '93
It's hard to take a young enthusiast's dream and thrash it publicly but Sam Rothschild, the owner of this hideous abomination, happens to be a good friend ours. So let's go. First up, we have the paint job. Umm, yeah. Next there are the air shocks, massive stereo, and gas filler door that were cut and "diamond hinged." Underhood, the stock air intake and fuse box are painted white. The car was the cream of the crop for its time. It won many shows and sound offs during the summer of 1993, even without chrome fender and rocker panel add-ons. Looking at this car we can see why so many of our readers have a deeply rooted hate for Hondas. As a side note, the original rear mudflaps from this car are being installed on Project Civic Backmarker.
Burnout Madness: Jan. '04
Ah, former Editor Oldham and his damned burnout fetish. If you've ever wondered where the burnout of the month came from, it's from him. Thankfully, people finally stopped sending them in so we could replace the page with more effective male enhancement advertisements. The cover story for this particular issue was to see which new car could do the longest burnout. The winner was a Mini Cooper S, if anyone cared.
Nascar Drivers With Guns: Sept. '97
Page 144 opened up with some great action shots of rally cars pitching giant dirt rooster tails. The story was focused on the '97 Rim of the World rally. It was pretty good too. Paul Choiniere had just broken the wheel off of his Hyundai Tiburon, forcing co-driver Jeff Becker to ride on the hood for balance as they limped to the end of the stage. Then on the next page: bang! Sixteen pages of NASCAR drivers shooting at clay pigeons. We're not sure if that was supposed to run in one of the other McMullen Argus books, like Truckin' or Mustang Illustrated, but someone got their demographics pretty twisted on that one.
What the hell? June '95
Why the fake side pipes? Why the dorsal fin on the trunk? To quote the captions, "The custom chrome-plated side pipes (not functional) add a dramatic element to the J30... The fin visually straightens the rear of the car while adding an element of character... Note the way the ribbons of color around the grille opening create the illusion of 'pushing' it forward." Why again?